Royal Tea

Canada is doing nothing but proving itself as an ex-colony at the moment. Instead of breaking the shackles of it's colonial past, this place is brimming with Royal Wedding fever. The number of ex-pats here probably accounts for a large proportion of this, but as does a wee bit of Capital gain (no shit, right?). The Fairmont Hotel in downtown Vancouver is hosting a High Tea breakfast while playing the Royal Wedding live. Yes, that's right - to be involved you need to book your table at 3am. And a lot of people have.

I'm obviously disappointed not to be in the UK (mainly for statutory holiday reasons), but I'll also miss all the local events. My good friend is holding a street party in my hometown that would be so good to attend. Great moods, great atmosphere, great weather and very very great cake will all be on offer and will all be sadly missed by me. I can't wait to see pictures on facebook!

Here's to a bit of national pride, a cup of rosy lee, bunting, simnel cake, and all the other delights I'll be missing. What what!

Al Swearengen

Due to having no cable television, I have been absorbing DVD boxsets like a woman possessed. The latest victim was Deadwood with everyone's favourite Lovejoy. Normally, a 19th century prospecting American TV series wouldn't be on my radar but after hearing rave reviews and having plenty of time to kill, I jumped on board.

I was impressed. Very impressed. The attention to detail, the storylines, the fully rounded characters made for very addictive viewing. It's rare to find a TV show where the characters are so well acted and so well scripted that a believable portrayal is achieved. Deadwood nailed this. Bang on. From the grotesques of E.B. and Steve to the camp hierarchy, the series continued to surprise without dumbing down.

Don't get me wrong, there was plenty of brutal action. Eyes gauged out, corpses fed to pigs, the usual fare (!) and the language, oh the language. I'm coarse but gee whizz, you could play a fantastic drinking game to an episode - every time the word 'cocksucker' is uttered, chug.

If you're not a sensitive cocksucker, I suggest you indulge in some Deadwood.

WOWCH

So I found this website thanks to refinery29.com and I have to say, it's awesome.

So I know t-shirts with animals on are all a bit 'hipster' now (a word I detest almost as much as 'scenester') but any company that sells leggings with cats on the knees is fine by me. In fact, I salute it, I run it up the flagpole and bloody salute it.

If I had a spare $30 (which i definitely don't right now) these would be on their way to me RIGHT NOW. And I would wear them with pride, expecting people to salute me as I walk past.

Sheen-isms

How can we not discuss Charlie Sheen?

I'm still not entirely sure what exactly is unfolding before my own, and millions of other peoples, eyes ... but he's on crack, right? Seriously, he seems so far gone that there is barely a waft of #tigerblood in the air. His aggressive talkshow bombardment, epic Twitter invasion, and now these creepy live web streams that he's hosting with three strangers sitting behind him in some sort of meth-addled rec room is just jaw-slacking beyond belief. Perhaps I can't quite grasp it due to his #adonis DNA being inordinately out of the realms of my comprehension, but (to quote Extras) I DON'T GET IT.

Now obviously I don't have any desire to mock the afflicted, and if Sheen is genuinely going fucking mental in public then that is truly sad ... but until that's confirmed or he dies a terrible chemically-induced death, let's have a giggle. Laughter makes the world go round and all ...

My top 5 Sheen-isms ranked lowest to highest in my personal order of preference:

5. Adonis DNA

4. Sheen's Korner

3. Earn Yourself

2. Tiger Blood

1. WINNING

Be warned, I will be using these Sheen-isms frequently. I urge you all to do the same ... before we get bored.

Daniel G Shaw

I miss these moves

I miss Number 11 fun times

Girl Crush

I love this woman and I love this collaboration with Opening Ceremony.

Even though I never know if I'm pronouncing her surname correctly (Sev-ig-knee? Sev-ij-nay?), she is ace. I hope I look 10% that awesome in 10 years time and I wish I could wear shoes that high now.

Bhloe Caxter

"All I did was pop a boob on the pillow and tuck in a wrestler"